Wednesday, June 13, 2012

More fun photos...

Yes... these ladies are utterly delicious...

The Open Relationship

So I met a nice married woman through AM who has decided to enter an open relationship with her husband.

Apparently a few months back, a business associate made a pass at her during a trip, and it wet her panties more than she expected it would.

They spoke about it, and about a month ago decided to enter into an open relationship.

She's cute, brunette, and so far actually pretty wonderful to talk to.

He's slept with two women, and she's slept with one guy.  They have made a rule not to look at each others phones (as it seems it already caused some agitation).

Overall though, they seem to be a couple that's really doing it properly, and they both genuinely seem like they are enjoying themselves.

I would love to have the same thing, but I don't think I'd have the same luxury if I shared this dream with my girl.

But, since that might be out of the question, I might have to just fuck this guy's wife instead.

- Mr. Dryden

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

As Good As it Gets?

So tonight my girl and I had a blow up argument.  I want to be treated kindly and apparently she thinks it's ok to be bitchy to me for days on end.

Of course there is a bigger story here, but I'm at one of those points where I'm really questioning my relationship.

We've spent so many years together building a great life, but as I've had some recent time away from her, it's made me realize how much better I feel on my own at times.

Relationships, no matter how good, eventually come to wear both parties down.  As someone who would love to have his relationship continue, how much further should one go when the sex is mediocre and one party seems to want to argue all the time.

I've given up being right in the argument, and just want to resolve things.  But all that has come to an end.  It's just not worth spending any energy whatsoever to even talk.  Have you been there?

A mental endpoint where I'm just done.  Really done.  Tired of being treated like I don't exist in our relationship.

So do I break up?  Try to mend the relationship once again (only to deal with it at a later date)?  Ignore it and bumble through the tough days?

These are all questions we have to face at some point in our life.

For me it comes down to a sense of freedom.

Free to truly make your own decisions and do really whatever you want to do daily.  Single people often forget this is the biggest benefit to being alone.  You don't need to entertain.  You don't need to disagree.  You just go.  No wasting time.  Just living life.

When you choose a partner, on some level, you are choosing bondage (and not the fun kind).

Of course we were all raised with the romantic notion of marriage and kids, of which, I can assure you, I want neither.

But at the end of the road, where does one go?

Another lover may help ease one out of a relationship, or put a band aid on the parts that are missing.

Eventually though, that relationship grows old too.

In sex and love, we're always chasing the dragon.

The evening ended with me trying to keep her off of me.  She could tell I didn't care anymore, the argument had peaked with so much power it broke free of the earth... her reaching aimlessly grasping to bring me back.  I turned to her and stopped calmly saying, "please, let me go."

And she did.

We've been through this dance before.  Hearts rekindle.  We tell each other how much we love one another, and we move forward.

It's a good relationship, better than most.

But, as has been stated before... "Is this is good as it gets?"

Is this the best a relationship can be?

Are there couples out there that continued to match one another for years, sexually, emotionally, and intellectually?

I'm not sure I believe that at all anymore.

Or are we supposed to do what's "natural" and go from one lover to another throughout this lifetime.

This seems to feel right... but it also feel right to partner with someone for a lifetime.

It's so confusing.  Life and love.

I'm not even sure what love truly is anymore.  I know an inner love.  I meditate and know an all knowing, everything is good love.  I'm just not sure that I believe in a "true love" ideal anymore.

I think someone sold us that idea in our childhood.  In fact, I know they did.

Rather, we seem to be put here to figure out our relationships by interacting and making changes based off decisions.

Love is so much a chemical reaction.

I often tell people that "within 3 blocks from here, there are 20 people who you could love deeply".  No one ever disagrees.  They know the secret truth, love is easier than we think.

So what do we do with the ones that we love where the issues seem to weigh down the joy of being together?

Tomorrows another day.  We'll see what the morning brings.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Our first ever fan photo!

Sarah wrote us saying "Love reading Mindfully Sexual and you hit home with everything you've written so far, Thank you!  I was home alone tonight and decided to dress up a bit and take a photo for you Mr. D!"

I asked Sarah if she minded me sharing the her beautiful photo, and she obliged... lucky for you guys!   

Thanks Sarah, hope to see more from you!  And to the rest of you lovely ladies, um, I always love to get naughty photos in the mail.  So if you ever feel so inclined, send them my way!

Sarah is a present that needs some unwrapping.... I'm dying to undo that bow.  :)

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Ashley Madison

Some have asked what I put up on Ashley Madison... here you go folks:

Preferences and encounters I am open to:
I'm open to new experiences in general. I'm looking to get to know someone before jumping in the sack, connecting is just as important as the sex to me... and of course, truly connecting = amazing sex. :)
What really turns me on:
I'm successful in what I do, and am looking for someone who wants to have fun, is happy, and is balanced. If you meditate, and take care of your mind, body, and soul that is a huge plus! Having sex is easy, finding someone to really enjoy it with and experiment is a whole other. I'm on a quest for new experiences, and someone who is willing to take the journey with me. You must have a sense of humor... laughter is key. If we're not having fun it just isn't worth it. :)
What I am looking for:
Art, culture, and most importantly you!

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Why We Seek New Love?

I've been talking to number of people in my public and private life about love lately, and I'd like to share some thoughts on the topic.

Having been loved, and loved many times now, I've come to realize that love is a fluid thing and that it's easy to fall in love with many people.  As in my previous posts, I've talked quite a bit about connection in an affair and now wonder how many of us seek to just "fall in love" again.

Love is hard to really define, because it different on so many levels.  A love for your spouse is no less real, or deep, than one for a child, or a mother, or a sister, or even a friend or neighbor - though they are all radically different.  The "love" feeling we experience in all these relationships could probably break down into an entirely new emotional scale if one were to study the phenomenon enough (and I know some have tried).

The hormones, the amazing sex, the warm feeling that courses through our veins, the absolute heart jumping joy we get when we see that very special someone at the beginning of a new relationship - it's all very addictive, and scientifically, there is a bit of chemical magic going on within as well.

I was a complete romantic as a teenager, and really believed in Romeo and Juliet, not realizing that they too would one day be Fred and Ethel.  My first relationships we're deep and passionate, and of course, I thought at that time our love would keep us together.  I still remember lying in bed with deep crushes on girls in school that lasted years, and thinking how wonderful it would be to just to hold their hand.  And although the experience of actually holding their hand would have been amazing, I still was able to experience a touch of the romance with just the pure power of my thoughts.

That "newness" one feels when in love though is really temporary.  Many married couples like to say "our love has evolved, and changes, and we're probably more in love than we've ever been" - I've said that myself, but it's another type of love altogether.  I know deep within that it's definitely not that original special love that brought us together.  I know many of us are probably just disappointed romantics, wishing that the "new love" feeling would last a lifetime, before we grew old and cynical towards the idea after learning how easy it is to fall in love over and over again.

Time is really the death of this "new love" because as any of us in long term relationships know - stuff begins to get routine, and we change dramatically as individuals as the years pass.  When your spouse says "I just don't know you anymore" or "You're not the person I met" it's absolutely true.  We're continuing to evolve each and every day, and we continually acquire new desires and lusts that we secretly hide in the depths of our minds.

This really explains why I personally am on a quest for sex outside of my relationship - I speak of connection, but isn't that what "new love" is all about.  It's about feeling these emotions and chemicals pour through us, while focusing on someone to adore - while hopefully being loved in return.  In marriage or any long term relationship, it's just impossible on some level to rekindle.  Sure, you will have a deeper love, experienced by being with someone for a very long time, but it's entirely different than that new love feeling.

Additionally, I guess what I've come to realize is that love is not outside of us, or between us, but it is us.  New love is our focused attention to accept someone for all that they are, without judgement.  Early on in a relationship, this is easy to do, we're caught up in the excitement of the experience and everything is fresh - but over time, as we get to know one another, and fuss and notice their faults, this "new love" diminishes and we slowly realize this amazing lover is really just a regular person.  It's not their fault by any means, it's ours for not allowing ourselves to accept them fully anymore, without opinion towards their flaws or actions.  Of course, love at this point evolves into the deep, long term love I spoke of above.

Having been through many relationships, and a couple long term ones, I also know I've never quite fallen out of love either.  In more than one of my past relationships, I know on some level I'm still in love with that person.  I always think it's silly when people say "oh, I'm totally over that one" especially when it was a relationship that lasted any length of time.  It's part of modern culture to be "not in love" anymore with people from our past relationships, especially when we're involved in entirely new ones.  Really though, we're not being entirely honest with ourselves.  We all know that love doesn't hide itself away so easily, and that we still think of those past lovers more than we anyone would ever admit.

Anyway, that's that.  I'm sure I could add more, edit, and revise my concepts on "love" in this essay - but as they are continuing to evolve, my perspective on the subject can never truly be locked down.  ;)

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Sex with a Rubix Cube

My girl has returned home after a trip away for the funeral of a relative.  Nothing sad here, everything was expected and it was a beautiful exit for this person that lived a very long, happy life.

As much as we love one another, my mate and I also enjoy our time apart.  We see each other most days because we work together.  Being the hard core individual personalities that we both are, we jump for joy when one leaves the house on for a few days.  The distance always brings us closer when we return as well.

Tonight she arrived home, totally caught up in the energy of family and the trip.  I knew I had to relax her back into our life, and that she would appreciate it.  It's always nice to reconnect.

She asked me if I could kiss her neck, to which I slowly pulled her shirt over her shoulders revealing the top of her beautiful back.  I started around her should blades, and worked my way from side to side, making sure to take my time with each and every kiss.  Soon I moved up to her neck, where I began to nibble at the nape of her neck.

"That feels so good" she said.

"Why don't you go hop in the shower, and we'll cuddle (sex) for a bit" I replied.

After both showering, we met in the bedroom.  I had already dimmed the lights and lit a few candles to set the mood.  We met under the sheets and she presented her backside to me, I continued my kisses where I left off.  Not missing a spot.  I worked my way down to her ass, and back up the spall of her back.

Everything happened very slowly, I wanted this to be a wonderful lovemaking session.

After about 25 minutes of gentle touches and foreplay, she asked me to enter her from our standard spoon position.  There I held her close, told her how much I loved her as I lightly grinded my cock deep into her.  When I felt she was ready to cum, we changed up to a missionary position with a pillow under her ass.  I kissed her around her neck in the same fashion as before... but then it happened, as it always does, she starts moving her head around to block me.

Regardless, we continued...

I asked her to relax, and backed off as I have learned to do.  She melted back into the pillows, and put her hands above her head.  She motioned for me to restrain them with a free hand which I did, and I put my other hand underneath her waist to hold her tightly into my thrusts.

It wasn't long before I watched her eyes roll back into her head.  I continued my rhythmic pumping, and to my surprise she began to cum again.  I haven't seen this in about 2 years.  It was then that I decided to cum, letting her orgasm finish while I filled her completely.

I pulled out slowly, and held her in my arms.  I continued to lightly touch her everywhere, extending this pleasurable session for her.

Despite being on this quest to find love elsewhere, I still am working at maintaining (and possibly improving) a steadfast sexual relationship at home.

The frustrations lie in that I'm the one always trying to bring the romance into the relationship.  I'm always making the first move.  After a while, it just get's exhausting.  Tonight though, it really didn't matter, I just wanted us both to be present.

And despite having a wonderful little session, it still gets to me that she looks uncomfortable when I try to kiss her.  Excuses are often in place such as "your scruffy" and tonight it was "my lips are chapped".  I can usually kiss her entire backside, but her whole front is sensitive.  Even kissing her neck from the front which used to be ok has become uncomfortable for her.

Get this.... When kissing from the backside of the neck, totally ok.  When kissing the same spots from the front, not ok.  Confusing?  I think so.

I feel like we're boxing at times, I move in: she blocks.  It's like trying to fuck Muhammed Ali.  

Now I can understand if I'm some big slob of a man, if my breath smells, or if I were putting all my weight on her - it might be something that feels claustrophobic, but this is of course all psychosomatic with her.

I've asked her about it many times, she doesn't quite give me an answer.  I really don't think she knows either.

It wasn't always this way, but it's become a more prevalent problem over the past 4 years.   We've talked about it, but the problem just seems to get worse.  I don't even make an effort to go down on her because it's become too sensitive (ok, I still do occasionally).  Mind you, I know how to eat pussy. Gently, hard, lots of communication, whatever the lady needs I'm here to service.  A pussy is like a snowflake after all, each and everyone is entirely different.  I had friends in college who hooked up with me because it was said that I had "a magic lick", afterwards they all but gave me a trophy.  These days my spouse says she's simply too sensitive, but when rubbing the head of my dick vigorously (10x harder) against her clit as she likes it, it's totally fine.

Yes, I know, it's all in her head.  Why I don't know?

I've been out of the pussy eating game for so long now that I think my skills here have also suffered (see the previous kissing post).  

I was once a God long ago; now I fear I am but a mere mortal.

So we laid there, drifting in and out, me continuing to touch her.  After a while it seemed she was getting turned on again, which in turn I thought we might be able to go for a second round.  This would be something we haven't done in a while, a double session, but who knows... she already came twice.  The stars must be in alignment.

I touched, she responded with light moans.  I kissed, she somewhat responded. She presents her backside to me, and I think "boys, we're going back in!"

Then she turned my way, and I laid my head upon her.

She just cut me off.

Alas, it was not to be.  She stopped responding, and I continued just touching, before going completely limp over my entire body minutes later.  I simply gave up.  It was too much work.  It takes two to tango, and my partner is down the street watching television.

So we lay there, me letting it go.  It's just these mixed signals that totally fuck with a person.

Now we could of course talk about it, but that would start a fight.  I could calmly bring it up tomorrow, but I know that too would start a fight.  I guess I'm just too tired to fight anymore, because I really think it will get us nowhere.

So there we lay, I turned over but still cuddled up close.  She turned over with me.

Now this is the stuff that gets to me.  She cuddled for a while, not doing anything, but then the little game begins.

She started to touch me, rub me, which would feel good any other time... but she always does this right at the moment when I'd rather not be touched by her.  She knows she hasn't been participating, and on some level she decides this would be the time to try and interact with me.

Mind you, she still doesn't want to fuck.  This is just her way of participating.

I think "why don't you ever do this at the start of a session, not after you've shut down, and I've stopped playing."

Anyway, the touches are always nice, and I don't want to come off as some asshole here.  But this has become as regular as the sun rising in the morning.  This little game too, is our routine.

She then asks "are you ok, are you mad at me."

"No, I'm ok."  I respond as sweetly as possible, really trying to mean it.  I didn't want to upset her.

Now, I know what most of you are thinking.  That's not at all honest.  Just tell her what's wrong.

That's ok, I'll pass.  I've done that many times before.  I've discussed it calmly and lovingly.  I've discussed it upset and pissed.  Regardless, it's a waste of time that always ends in a blowup and tears on her end.  We did just have one amazing session of sex, I'm not going to start a fight to make a point.

Again, I'll pass.

"No, I'm ok" is the right answer.

I love this girl dearly.  I really can't think of life without her.  She is my best friend, my right hand, and I love her in so many ways.  But in sex, it works sometimes, and it's completely off others.  

Tonight it was on, and then off.

After a bit she got up and went to take a shower, I knew she was frustrated.  I don't want her to be, but really, I'm not sure what my options are anymore.  I'm not trying to fuck with her head, but I don't want to fight.  Any discussion I would have brought up would have ended up with her saying something along the lines of "you'll never be satisfied".

But I am satisfied, I just want her to be present.  I want things to naturally evolve.   I'm tired of sex where I feel the other person is doing sudoku in her head.  I want to look into her eyes, I want to share in passionate kisses, I want to feel like she cares about pleasuring me on some level.

And late at night, by myself, I wonder if it is all me.  Am I that hard to please?  Maybe.  I just am too tired of the mixed signals that seem to change the minute I think I have them figured out.

She's a rubix cube.  I move two colors to complete a side, thinking I'm figured it out, only turning it over to reveal the entire cube is a kaleidoscope of patterns everywhere else.

The only thing I could do was ask her to sit next to me on the couch as I put on a movie, put a pillow in my lap which she snuggled into, and lovingly stroked her hair as she drifted off to sleep.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Kiss Me

I've reached the point with Ashley Madison where I've realized many of the women I've been in contact with have been a slight bit on the crazy side.  I've shared this with my friend Kat (over at PWK), and how the whole process just seems to have worn me down.  I consider myself a fairly balanced, happy person, who just tries to roll with this whole thing.  If things feel right, or if I'm clicking with someone via email or chat that's a good sign.  What I didn't expect was the immediate impatience of some of the women I've encountered.  They seem to really like me, but I swear it's barely 2 days before they're demanding to meet and fuck.

I've clearly outlined my profile to read:  "I'm open to new experiences in general. I'm looking to get to know someone before jumping in the sack, connecting is just as important as the sex to me... and of course, truly connecting = amazing sex. :) "

For some "connecting" is a couple emails and they're ready to go 48 hours later.  Maybe I'm in the wrong here, but it just feels rushed and weird.  I never thought I'd be in the position of turning women down, but when you start to send me nasty/rude messages (which I've received)... it just kills any future opportunities for me.  I understand you may be unhappy in your marriage, but please don't be rude to me... especially if you still want me to sleep with you.   I know this may seem strange, but it's a turnoff.  :)

On another note...

I continue to go back and forth in my mind if this is something I want to do.   It is - but I'm unsure of exactly how I'd like it all to play out.

Last night I was alone in a bar with friends, and was hanging out with a number of women.  I always do very well with the ladies, since I'm in the mindset that I'm taken...I'm always very comfortable and confident in my conversation.  Many were very flirtacious, touching, laughing, with lots of eye contact.  I had a good time, but it also revived this feeling to hookup with someone.

One of the women I haven't seen in years.  I know she has always liked me, but she is essentially off limits since she's withing our social circles.  Our conversation was fun and light, and I watched her beautiful lips moving about.  I wanted to lunge forward and start making out with her.   It felt like I was in still in high school and on a date talking late into the night in a car right before I made the move.  I could feel my hormones buzzing about within, it was a nice feeling.

As the evening progress I started talking to my friend's girlfriend.  I too had not see her for years, and she's a firecracker of a personality.  She was laying on the flirt heavily, touching, even holding my hands when talking.  Again, I watched her lips.  I wanted no more than to take her in the booth.  Throw her down, deeply kiss, and run my hands up her skirt.  I would have had no problem taking her home for a night of hot sex, if her boyfriend wasn't a dear friend of mine.

Dear friend or not, I'm sure my dick would look wonderful in her tight pussy.   ;)

It was obvious, this feeling to have an affair that's subsided for the past 2 weeks or so is still very much active within me.

I think more than anything I'm just looking for a good make out session to start things out.  In my relationship kissing has really gone south.  I love to kiss.  I used to be told by almost every girl I was with that I was a great kisser.  Now I'm in a relationship where kissing has been so diminished that I'm not sure I even remember how to - really well that is.  I really do have serious doubts about my skills.  I hate to admit it, but I think my relationship has given me a kissing complex.

The me of 8 years ago would never put up with this, but here I am.

My companion makes out with me briefly from time to time during sex, but this is very sporadic.  I would say it happens 15% of the time.  We never just make out anymore outside of sex.  I think this is a casualty of most long term relationships, but I'd have no problem making out with my girl if she were up for it.

Of course we've discussed this.  Many times.  So what does one do?

As with all things in life I guess I'll have to just hang in there and see how this all pans out. 

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Sophia from Craigslist

I met Sophia on Craigslist.

It was late one night in December that I decided to put up a post in the No Strings Attached portion of Craigslist searching under the heading "Looking for an Affair?  Me Too!".   

I wasn't expecting much - in fact - I was used to receiving endless amounts of spam.  You see ladies, I'm not sure it's the same for you, but when a man posts to the NSA portion of CL, 99% of the time we receive loads of spam luring us into paid video sex chats.  There are real people writing at times, others are just robot crawlers responding "I'm free, let's have sex tonight!  Are you up for it?"  A quick email back, and you'll soon be told how the girl is looking to chat only through a paid site.  

Obviously though, this scam works for somebody out there.  Otherwise they wouldn't waste their time responding to horny guys such as myself.  

So a few days passed, and the inbox filled with spam... and then Sophia wrote me.  

Sophia was in her early 30's and was interested in knowing more about me, and my situation, and what I was looking for.  Now you see, I'm not one to just jump right into bed with someone I don't know.  It's more about connection for me than the simple act.   I have the need deep within to get to know them, and then see where things go.  It is my belief if the universe wills it, things will naturally play out.

Connection = great sex.
Sophia explained to me she was in a unique situation... her husband would know about her affair. 

I personally didn't have an issue with this, but wanted to know more about the setup.  Would he be reading every email?  Outside our initial meeting at Starbucks?  Did he want to watch us?  Would he read the paper while we fucked on the pool table?

This unique situation required that I needed to find out more about Sophia, as well as her husband.  

Many would question this logic, but for me it was simple.  I needed to know if he was sane, and if this is what he really wanted.  I'm not much for finding myself in a physical alteration or in a shallow grave over some chick I met off Craigslist.  I don't care how good the orgasm might be.

Official emails soon became hidden gmail chats.  Sophia was looking for an escape, and she enjoyed playing around with the rules her husband had set up.  Of course, I was totally into this.  Discussing whether or not anal sex was her forte was something we didn't need a committee for.  

Sophia was a young mother of two, and although her husband was fairly good in bed, and wanted to have sex... she was over him.  She explained that this was the 3rd time she has sought sex outside of the marriage, and he had was along for the ride on the other 3 times as an outside observer. 

The last guy though was in his late 20's, and Sophia hung out with him for than for just casual sexual escapades.  I guess hubby found out that Sophia was being secretive and didn't take it too well - they had rules after all - and he didn't so much care for the idea of her having a boyfriend.  Thoughts of divorce hung heavily on both of their minds, and I guess fights were regular in the household.

She broke off contact with the 20 something, and decided almost a year to the date later to explore Craigslist for some fun, all with hubby's consent of course.  That's how she had found me.

Chat's soon became Google phone conversations between the both of us, her husband worked at nights and I was able to talk to her from my guest house office.  Conversations often revolved around things other than sex, and I began to realize that Sophia was looking for a friend.  Maybe I was too.  We both loved our spouses, but we still sought to sleep with others.  I gave her the nickname of being an "old pro" at this by now, as I was just a "rookie" in the minors.  She liked the idea of teaching me, but when she asked me to call the her house phone one night, I realized she may not know everything about being discreet. 

Pictures were exchanged and she was smoking hot.  Mommy spent every day going to the gym and was an avid runner... and it showed, she had a tight body, cute blond hair, and beautiful piercing green eyes.  Overall she was a nice, strong willed, and her life was be planned to the T.  I felt pretty lucky, since I know this was the type of woman one rarely finds on down and dirty Craigslist.  

Our Starbucks meeting took weeks to finally accomplish, and by this time we were semi friends. Unfortunately, she had just come down with the flu two days previous but still wanted to meet.  I agreed, but when I arrived I found she had seated herself in the corner - and coupled with the sickness - this might make flirtation extremely difficult. 

And it was.  

Now I'm not saying I wasn't nervous, because I was.  This is all new for me, but I'm a people person and am more outgoing than your average guy, so I still was able to hold my own and generate plenty of conversation.  

I stopped her at one moment saying "before we go any further, I have to tell you something..."  

"What's that" she replied hesitantly.  

"The name I've given you, is a nickname friends call me by.  I figured now was as good as any to tell you my real name." 

And I did just that.

I could tell immediately that this threw her off. 

I explained that I was sorry it took this long to tell her, that I'm just being overly protective of my situation, but finally decided she should know since I trusted her.

"What's your last name?" she fired back.  

"I don't know if I'm comfortable telling you that, if I do, you'll find out everything about me." 

"What do you mean?" she demanded.  

This was not going well at all.  Thoughts were racing through my head.  I couldn't tell if she was pissed or just being direct.  Actually, it was a cocktail of both.  

I explained... "I pretty well known within my circles, and online, my whole life is just sitting there out in the open (which it is).  There's interviews with me, pictures, and I'm just looking out for my loved one."  

"What's your last name?" she said again.  

I felt stupid for keeping this a secret, and realized I should have told her earlier.   I didn't give her an entirely fake first name, it was just one that my friends call me by.  Still, she wasn't amused.

Coffee was turning into a slow motion car wreck.

I had promised myself not to share my last name.  I understand that in this realm of affairs, it may be normal to share one's whole identity... but I have far more online than just a simple Facebook page.  Additionally, everything about my spouse was on there as well.  

So much for being discreet in the digital age.  

Meanwhile, Sophia Johnson had name so familiar that a Google search spawned hundreds of thousands of hits.  None of which were her (I looked).  So for all I know, her identity was totally falsified as well.

Her eyes demanded I answer - she broke me - and I answered. 

"My name is _______ Dryden"

She said "how do I know, you could be making that up too."

Wow, playing hard to get.

I pulled out my iPhone, typed in my name, and did a Google image search.

"Here," I said "Does this look like I'm lying? It's all there, you can know everything about me now.  Just Google me when you get home, you'll know more than most people do in these situations."  

She still didn't seem satisfied.  I was really trying here, but she was really giving it to me hard.  I felt like I was in high school again trying to convince the hot girl to go out with me.  

We continued to talk about other things, but the damage had been done.  I felt humiliated for telling her my real name, I should have just kept fucking quiet.  What did it matter anyway.  It still technically was a name people called me by.  She didn't have every aspect of her life online, didn't she get this?

Things came to a close rather fast.  After the hour mark came, she snapped "I have to go soon, I have kids to watch... go feed my meter if you want to talk more."

Alrighty... I may be Mr. Nice Guy, but this comment really irked me.  

Go feed my meter?   Fuck you.  No.

I didn't spend 8 years in Los Angeles dealing with women who acted just like this without learning something.  I know this game and I don't play it.  Respect me as a human being and you will get my loving attention in return.  

But I didn't say "Fuck You," that's just not the person I am.  

So I replied gently,"if you'd like me to, I will." After all I figured, the girl had the flu, and for all I knew she really just wasn't feeling well (although she told me she was feeling just fine today).  I'll take one for team, and because of the first name fiasco, I'll happily go fill your meter.  

I think she realized she must have crossed the line on the comment, because she said "no, that's ok, I'll go do it.  You'll probably check out my ass when I go to anyway."

Now we're talking about your ass?  Ok.  I will.  Thanks for reminding me.  

I did just that as she walked out with quarters in hand, and it was beautiful: a perfect yoga ass.

She returned, and we continued 15 minutes or more of small chat.  I found her staring off at times, she just wasn't there.  I asked if she was feeling ok, and she said "yes, why do you ask."

"You're kinda just staring off there a bit, I upset you didn't I?"  

"Oh no" not willing to give me anything, "I'm sorry, you have my full attention."

She stared directly at me, but conversation was minimal on her part.  Her eyes willed me to keep this coffee date going, seeing how long I could keep it up.

I personally was now ready to go by now.  This was too much fucking work.  How could I connect with someone so much over 4 weeks, and have everything just fall apart like this?

Soon I was walking her out to her car, giving her a hug (no kisses here in flu territory), and bidding her adou.  We left each other agreeing to chat the next evening.


The next day came around, and I received an email explaining that though things went very well (hmmmm really?),  she was having second thoughts.  Her email read that her marriage was happy at the moment, and meeting up made things that much more real, and she wasn't sure she wanted to mess things up.  Additionally, she explained that my girl sounded like a nice person, and she didn't want to get in-between that.

So that was that.  She apologised for wasting my time, and that it "was her, not me".

I wrote her back and said (in all honesty) that I understood, and that I was by no means upset with her.  After all, it's her life and her decisions, and she needs to feel comfortable with any actions she chooses to make. 

I thought that was the last I'd hear from her, but Sophia popped up on chat the following evening.

The overall conversation was brief, reiterating the email points we both had made.  I said "well, if you want to keep in touch, please do.  I'll be around.  I'm not expecting sex at this point, and we could just chat occasionally if you want."

"I don't think there's really a need for that do you?"  she typed.

Okay.  I'm done.  That was it.  Later baby, it's been nice while it lasted.  

Maybe this girl (that still lives in the same town she grew up in) doesn't quite realize that some men out there are cultured, have experience, and know her pretty girl game.  This wasn't about the sex.  This was about attention.  I knew it early on, but who was I to turn down a smokingly hot affair partner.  Sure, I'll give you lovin' when you need it, just please (I beg you), don't play mind games. 

This was just a game at this point.  It's ok, I know your next move, but here's mine...

"Ok, well it was a pleasure getting to know you.  I've really enjoyed talking to you over the past couple of weeks, and I wish you the best.  I really do mean this.  :)  Take care of yourself and your little ones."

And I did.  I meant every single word.  But I knew this wasn't the last I'd hear of Sophia.

"Ok, take care," she wrote back.

"Bye!  :) " I replied signing off.  

Now I knew that despite everything she said about cutting off contact that she would be back.  This was all about attention after all, and four nights later guess who sent me an instant message.


Shocking huh?  I knew you'd be as surprised as I was.  

I share everything with her during our brief chats, no secrets anymore.

"I have nothing to hide, I'm not going to have sex with you after all.  I think we've established this."  I'd write.

"Well we haven't quite decided that just yet...  ;)"

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Check and mate.

And although she still keeps in touch, I'm not sure this game is worth it.  Actually, it's not at all fun... and I think that's a clear enough reason to not sleep with Sophia.  In spite of her amazing yoga ass.

- Mr. Dryden

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Being Mindfully Sexual: Beginnings

My name is Mr. Dryden and I live in California.

I have been in a relationship for many years (let's say over 9ish) and I have finally come to the realization that I am a sexual exploratory person, and my partner is not.

Through much contemplation, meditation, and self examination I have decided to embark on a journey into the unknown world of seeking pleasure outside of my relationship.

I love my spouse very much, she means the world to me.  I have tried to bring create a healthy atmosphere for the evolution of our lovemaking, but unfortunately my partner isn't as interested.  We do have sex.  Plenty of run of the mill, boring, everyday sex.  Sometimes it's great, other times she's doing it just for me, but something is just missing. I want more exploration.

I have discussed this with her for years (yes, as every sex psychologist out there tells us to do) and for some reason things just don't click with her.  It's just not the person she is, and I've decided it's unfair for me try to make her someone she is not.  I no longer blame her, or hold resentful feelings in the bedroom, for I know this will only further deteriorate our relationship.   I take full responsibilty for the joy I seek, and the expansion of my sexual self.

I do love her, and would do anything for her.  She's my best friend.

And this is where I find myself, currently seeking the most looked down upon of actions within our society.  Infidelity.

My goal in writing this blog is to inform, and exploit my adventures and thoughts into this vast unknown.  Maybe you'll relate, and maybe you won't.  This in the end is for me, and for some reason writing it all down makes me understand myself better.

I also think we as society need to look at the pressures we put on sexual selves.  We try to conform, and miss out on so much life has to offer.  There is a revolution at hand in the world of relationships, marriage, and sex.  We can continue to ignore the fact that over half of people in monogamous relationships cheat - or - we can examine why this is, and perhaps look at it from another perspective.

It we were more open about this side of our humanity, many less tears would be shed, and more importantly we'd all have a lot more fun.

Monogamy isn't a bad idea.  It works for some, it doesn't for others.  But that split is generally around 50%.  Nature engineered us to explore our sexual selves.  Religion and culture have slowly trained this out of us.  It's time to open up.  Feel the joy, and experience fresh air.

One thing I've learned about life is that it always works out.  Always.  And this universe is a positive, loving place. 

So let's explore it - and each other - together.

Respectfully Yours,
- Mr. Dryden