My girl has returned home after a trip away for the funeral of a relative. Nothing sad here, everything was expected and it was a beautiful exit for this person that lived a very long, happy life.
As much as we love one another, my mate and I also enjoy our time apart. We see each other most days because we work together. Being the hard core individual personalities that we both are, we jump for joy when one leaves the house on for a few days. The distance always brings us closer when we return as well.
Tonight she arrived home, totally caught up in the energy of family and the trip. I knew I had to relax her back into our life, and that she would appreciate it. It's always nice to reconnect.
She asked me if I could kiss her neck, to which I slowly pulled her shirt over her shoulders revealing the top of her beautiful back. I started around her should blades, and worked my way from side to side, making sure to take my time with each and every kiss. Soon I moved up to her neck, where I began to nibble at the nape of her neck.
"That feels so good" she said.
"Why don't you go hop in the shower, and we'll cuddle (sex) for a bit" I replied.
After both showering, we met in the bedroom. I had already dimmed the lights and lit a few candles to set the mood. We met under the sheets and she presented her backside to me, I continued my kisses where I left off. Not missing a spot. I worked my way down to her ass, and back up the spall of her back.
After about 25 minutes of gentle touches and foreplay, she asked me to enter her from our standard spoon position. There I held her close, told her how much I loved her as I lightly grinded my cock deep into her. When I felt she was ready to cum, we changed up to a missionary position with a pillow under her ass. I kissed her around her neck in the same fashion as before... but then it happened, as it always does, she starts moving her head around to block me.
Regardless, we continued...
I asked her to relax, and backed off as I have learned to do. She melted back into the pillows, and put her hands above her head. She motioned for me to restrain them with a free hand which I did, and I put my other hand underneath her waist to hold her tightly into my thrusts.
It wasn't long before I watched her eyes roll back into her head. I continued my rhythmic pumping, and to my surprise she began to cum again. I haven't seen this in about 2 years. It was then that I decided to cum, letting her orgasm finish while I filled her completely.
I pulled out slowly, and held her in my arms. I continued to lightly touch her everywhere, extending this pleasurable session for her.
Despite being on this quest to find love elsewhere, I still am working at maintaining (and possibly improving) a steadfast sexual relationship at home.
The frustrations lie in that I'm the one always trying to bring the romance into the relationship. I'm always making the first move. After a while, it just get's exhausting. Tonight though, it really didn't matter, I just wanted us both to be present.
And despite having a wonderful little session, it still gets to me that she looks uncomfortable when I try to kiss her. Excuses are often in place such as "your scruffy" and tonight it was "my lips are chapped". I can usually kiss her entire backside, but her whole front is sensitive. Even kissing her neck from the front which used to be ok has become uncomfortable for her.
Get this.... When kissing from the backside of the neck, totally ok. When kissing the same spots from the front, not ok. Confusing? I think so.
I feel like we're boxing at times, I move in: she blocks. It's like trying to fuck Muhammed Ali.
Now I can understand if I'm some big slob of a man, if my breath smells, or if I were putting all my weight on her - it might be something that feels claustrophobic, but this is of course all psychosomatic with her.
I've asked her about it many times, she doesn't quite give me an answer. I really don't think she knows either.
It wasn't always this way, but it's become a more prevalent problem over the past 4 years. We've talked about it, but the problem just seems to get worse. I don't even make an effort to go down on her because it's become too sensitive (ok, I still do occasionally). Mind you, I know how to eat pussy. Gently, hard, lots of communication, whatever the lady needs I'm here to service. A pussy is like a snowflake after all, each and everyone is entirely different. I had friends in college who hooked up with me because it was said that I had "a magic lick", afterwards they all but gave me a trophy. These days my spouse says she's simply too sensitive, but when rubbing the head of my dick vigorously (10x harder) against her clit as she likes it, it's totally fine.
Yes, I know, it's all in her head. Why I don't know?
I've been out of the pussy eating game for so long now that I think my skills here have also suffered (see the previous kissing post).
I was once a God long ago; now I fear I am but a mere mortal.
I touched, she responded with light moans. I kissed, she somewhat responded. She presents her backside to me, and I think "boys, we're going back in!"
Then she turned my way, and I laid my head upon her.
She just cut me off.
Alas, it was not to be. She stopped responding, and I continued just touching, before going completely limp over my entire body minutes later. I simply gave up. It was too much work. It takes two to tango, and my partner is down the street watching television.
So we lay there, me letting it go. It's just these mixed signals that totally fuck with a person.
Now we could of course talk about it, but that would start a fight. I could calmly bring it up tomorrow, but I know that too would start a fight. I guess I'm just too tired to fight anymore, because I really think it will get us nowhere.
So there we lay, I turned over but still cuddled up close. She turned over with me.
Now this is the stuff that gets to me. She cuddled for a while, not doing anything, but then the little game begins.
She started to touch me, rub me, which would feel good any other time... but she always does this right at the moment when I'd rather not be touched by her. She knows she hasn't been participating, and on some level she decides this would be the time to try and interact with me.
Mind you, she still doesn't want to fuck. This is just her way of participating.
I think "why don't you ever do this at the start of a session, not after you've shut down, and I've stopped playing."
Anyway, the touches are always nice, and I don't want to come off as some asshole here. But this has become as regular as the sun rising in the morning. This little game too, is our routine.
She then asks "are you ok, are you mad at me."
"No, I'm ok." I respond as sweetly as possible, really trying to mean it. I didn't want to upset her.
Now, I know what most of you are thinking. That's not at all honest. Just tell her what's wrong.
That's ok, I'll pass. I've done that many times before. I've discussed it calmly and lovingly. I've discussed it upset and pissed. Regardless, it's a waste of time that always ends in a blowup and tears on her end. We did just have one amazing session of sex, I'm not going to start a fight to make a point.
Again, I'll pass.
"No, I'm ok" is the right answer.
I love this girl dearly. I really can't think of life without her. She is my best friend, my right hand, and I love her in so many ways. But in sex, it works sometimes, and it's completely off others.
Tonight it was on, and then off.
After a bit she got up and went to take a shower, I knew she was frustrated. I don't want her to be, but really, I'm not sure what my options are anymore. I'm not trying to fuck with her head, but I don't want to fight. Any discussion I would have brought up would have ended up with her saying something along the lines of "you'll never be satisfied".
But I am satisfied, I just want her to be present. I want things to naturally evolve. I'm tired of sex where I feel the other person is doing sudoku in her head. I want to look into her eyes, I want to share in passionate kisses, I want to feel like she cares about pleasuring me on some level.
And late at night, by myself, I wonder if it is all me. Am I that hard to please? Maybe. I just am too tired of the mixed signals that seem to change the minute I think I have them figured out.
She's a rubix cube. I move two colors to complete a side, thinking I'm figured it out, only turning it over to reveal the entire cube is a kaleidoscope of patterns everywhere else.
The only thing I could do was ask her to sit next to me on the couch as I put on a movie, put a pillow in my lap which she snuggled into, and lovingly stroked her hair as she drifted off to sleep.