Our first ever fan photo!

Sarah wrote us saying "Love reading Mindfully Sexual and you hit home with everything you've written so far, Thank you!  I was home alone tonight and decided to dress up a bit and take a photo for you Mr. D!"

I asked Sarah if she minded me sharing the her beautiful photo, and she obliged... lucky for you guys!   

Thanks Sarah, hope to see more from you!  And to the rest of you lovely ladies, um, I always love to get naughty photos in the mail.  So if you ever feel so inclined, send them my way!

Sarah is a present that needs some unwrapping.... I'm dying to undo that bow.  :)

Ashley Madison

Some have asked what I put up on Ashley Madison... here you go folks:

Preferences and encounters I am open to:

I'm open to new experiences in general. I'm looking to get to know someone before jumping in the sack, connecting is just as important as the sex to me... and of course, truly connecting = amazing sex. :)

What really turns me on:

I'm successful in what I do, and am looking for someone who wants to have fun, is happy, and is balanced. If you meditate, and take care of your mind, body, and soul that is a huge plus! Having sex is easy, finding someone to really enjoy it with and experiment is a whole other. I'm on a quest for new experiences, and someone who is willing to take the journey with me. You must have a sense of humor... laughter is key. If we're not having fun it just isn't worth it. :)

What I am looking for:

Art, culture, and most importantly you!

Why We Seek New Love?

I've been talking to number of people in my public and private life about love lately, and I'd like to share some thoughts on the topic.

Having been loved, and loved many times now, I've come to realize that love is a fluid thing and that it's easy to fall in love with many people.  As in my previous posts, I've talked quite a bit about connection in an affair and now wonder how many of us seek to just "fall in love" again.

Love is hard to really define, because it different on so many levels.  A love for your spouse is no less real, or deep, than one for a child, or a mother, or a sister, or even a friend or neighbor - though they are all radically different.  The "love" feeling we experience in all these relationships could probably break down into an entirely new emotional scale if one were to study the phenomenon enough (and I know some have tried).

The hormones, the amazing sex, the warm feeling that courses through our veins, the absolute heart jumping joy we get when we see that very special someone at the beginning of a new relationship - it's all very addictive, and scientifically, there is a bit of chemical magic going on within as well.

I was a complete romantic as a teenager, and really believed in Romeo and Juliet, not realizing that they too would one day be Fred and Ethel.  My first relationships we're deep and passionate, and of course, I thought at that time our love would keep us together.  I still remember lying in bed with deep crushes on girls in school that lasted years, and thinking how wonderful it would be to just to hold their hand.  And although the experience of actually holding their hand would have been amazing, I still was able to experience a touch of the romance with just the pure power of my thoughts.

That "newness" one feels when in love though is really temporary.  Many married couples like to say "our love has evolved, and changes, and we're probably more in love than we've ever been" - I've said that myself, but it's another type of love altogether.  I know deep within that it's definitely not that original special love that brought us together.  I know many of us are probably just disappointed romantics, wishing that the "new love" feeling would last a lifetime, before we grew old and cynical towards the idea after learning how easy it is to fall in love over and over again.

Time is really the death of this "new love" because as any of us in long term relationships know - stuff begins to get routine, and we change dramatically as individuals as the years pass.  When your spouse says "I just don't know you anymore" or "You're not the person I met" it's absolutely true.  We're continuing to evolve each and every day, and we continually acquire new desires and lusts that we secretly hide in the depths of our minds.

This really explains why I personally am on a quest for sex outside of my relationship - I speak of connection, but isn't that what "new love" is all about.  It's about feeling these emotions and chemicals pour through us, while focusing on someone to adore - while hopefully being loved in return.  In marriage or any long term relationship, it's just impossible on some level to rekindle.  Sure, you will have a deeper love, experienced by being with someone for a very long time, but it's entirely different than that new love feeling.

Additionally, I guess what I've come to realize is that love is not outside of us, or between us, but it is us.  New love is our focused attention to accept someone for all that they are, without judgement.  Early on in a relationship, this is easy to do, we're caught up in the excitement of the experience and everything is fresh - but over time, as we get to know one another, and fuss and notice their faults, this "new love" diminishes and we slowly realize this amazing lover is really just a regular person.  It's not their fault by any means, it's ours for not allowing ourselves to accept them fully anymore, without opinion towards their flaws or actions.  Of course, love at this point evolves into the deep, long term love I spoke of above.

Having been through many relationships, and a couple long term ones, I also know I've never quite fallen out of love either.  In more than one of my past relationships, I know on some level I'm still in love with that person.  I always think it's silly when people say "oh, I'm totally over that one" especially when it was a relationship that lasted any length of time.  It's part of modern culture to be "not in love" anymore with people from our past relationships, especially when we're involved in entirely new ones.  Really though, we're not being entirely honest with ourselves.  We all know that love doesn't hide itself away so easily, and that we still think of those past lovers more than we anyone would ever admit.

Anyway, that's that.  I'm sure I could add more, edit, and revise my concepts on "love" in this essay - but as they are continuing to evolve, my perspective on the subject can never truly be locked down.  ;)

Sex with a Rubix Cube

My girl has returned home after a trip away for the funeral of a relative.  Nothing sad here, everything was expected and it was a beautiful exit for this person that lived a very long, happy life.

As much as we love one another, my mate and I also enjoy our time apart.  We see each other most days because we work together.  Being the hard core individual personalities that we both are, we jump for joy when one leaves the house on for a few days.  The distance always brings us closer when we return as well.

Tonight she arrived home, totally caught up in the energy of family and the trip.  I knew I had to relax her back into our life, and that she would appreciate it.  It's always nice to reconnect.

She asked me if I could kiss her neck, to which I slowly pulled her shirt over her shoulders revealing the top of her beautiful back.  I started around her should blades, and worked my way from side to side, making sure to take my time with each and every kiss.  Soon I moved up to her neck, where I began to nibble at the nape of her neck.

"That feels so good" she said.

"Why don't you go hop in the shower, and we'll cuddle (sex) for a bit" I replied.

After both showering, we met in the bedroom.  I had already dimmed the lights and lit a few candles to set the mood.  We met under the sheets and she presented her backside to me, I continued my kisses where I left off.  Not missing a spot.  I worked my way down to her ass, and back up the spall of her back.

Everything happened very slowly, I wanted this to be a wonderful lovemaking session.

After about 25 minutes of gentle touches and foreplay, she asked me to enter her from our standard spoon position.  There I held her close, told her how much I loved her as I lightly grinded my cock deep into her.  When I felt she was ready to cum, we changed up to a missionary position with a pillow under her ass.  I kissed her around her neck in the same fashion as before... but then it happened, as it always does, she starts moving her head around to block me.

Regardless, we continued...

I asked her to relax, and backed off as I have learned to do.  She melted back into the pillows, and put her hands above her head.  She motioned for me to restrain them with a free hand which I did, and I put my other hand underneath her waist to hold her tightly into my thrusts.

It wasn't long before I watched her eyes roll back into her head.  I continued my rhythmic pumping, and to my surprise she began to cum again.  I haven't seen this in about 2 years.  It was then that I decided to cum, letting her orgasm finish while I filled her completely.

I pulled out slowly, and held her in my arms.  I continued to lightly touch her everywhere, extending this pleasurable session for her.

Despite being on this quest to find love elsewhere, I still am working at maintaining (and possibly improving) a steadfast sexual relationship at home.

The frustrations lie in that I'm the one always trying to bring the romance into the relationship.  I'm always making the first move.  After a while, it just get's exhausting.  Tonight though, it really didn't matter, I just wanted us both to be present.

And despite having a wonderful little session, it still gets to me that she looks uncomfortable when I try to kiss her.  Excuses are often in place such as "your scruffy" and tonight it was "my lips are chapped".  I can usually kiss her entire backside, but her whole front is sensitive.  Even kissing her neck from the front which used to be ok has become uncomfortable for her.

Get this.... When kissing from the backside of the neck, totally ok.  When kissing the same spots from the front, not ok.  Confusing?  I think so.

I feel like we're boxing at times, I move in: she blocks.  It's like trying to fuck Muhammed Ali.  

Now I can understand if I'm some big slob of a man, if my breath smells, or if I were putting all my weight on her - it might be something that feels claustrophobic, but this is of course all psychosomatic with her.

I've asked her about it many times, she doesn't quite give me an answer.  I really don't think she knows either.

It wasn't always this way, but it's become a more prevalent problem over the past 4 years.   We've talked about it, but the problem just seems to get worse.  I don't even make an effort to go down on her because it's become too sensitive (ok, I still do occasionally).  Mind you, I know how to eat pussy. Gently, hard, lots of communication, whatever the lady needs I'm here to service.  A pussy is like a snowflake after all, each and everyone is entirely different.  I had friends in college who hooked up with me because it was said that I had "a magic lick", afterwards they all but gave me a trophy.  These days my spouse says she's simply too sensitive, but when rubbing the head of my dick vigorously (10x harder) against her clit as she likes it, it's totally fine.

Yes, I know, it's all in her head.  Why I don't know?

I've been out of the pussy eating game for so long now that I think my skills here have also suffered (see the previous kissing post).  

I was once a God long ago; now I fear I am but a mere mortal.

So we laid there, drifting in and out, me continuing to touch her.  After a while it seemed she was getting turned on again, which in turn I thought we might be able to go for a second round.  This would be something we haven't done in a while, a double session, but who knows... she already came twice.  The stars must be in alignment.

I touched, she responded with light moans.  I kissed, she somewhat responded. She presents her backside to me, and I think "boys, we're going back in!"

Then she turned my way, and I laid my head upon her.

She just cut me off.

Alas, it was not to be.  She stopped responding, and I continued just touching, before going completely limp over my entire body minutes later.  I simply gave up.  It was too much work.  It takes two to tango, and my partner is down the street watching television.

So we lay there, me letting it go.  It's just these mixed signals that totally fuck with a person.

Now we could of course talk about it, but that would start a fight.  I could calmly bring it up tomorrow, but I know that too would start a fight.  I guess I'm just too tired to fight anymore, because I really think it will get us nowhere.

So there we lay, I turned over but still cuddled up close.  She turned over with me.

Now this is the stuff that gets to me.  She cuddled for a while, not doing anything, but then the little game begins.

She started to touch me, rub me, which would feel good any other time... but she always does this right at the moment when I'd rather not be touched by her.  She knows she hasn't been participating, and on some level she decides this would be the time to try and interact with me.

Mind you, she still doesn't want to fuck.  This is just her way of participating.

I think "why don't you ever do this at the start of a session, not after you've shut down, and I've stopped playing."

Anyway, the touches are always nice, and I don't want to come off as some asshole here.  But this has become as regular as the sun rising in the morning.  This little game too, is our routine.

She then asks "are you ok, are you mad at me."

"No, I'm ok."  I respond as sweetly as possible, really trying to mean it.  I didn't want to upset her.

Now, I know what most of you are thinking.  That's not at all honest.  Just tell her what's wrong.

That's ok, I'll pass.  I've done that many times before.  I've discussed it calmly and lovingly.  I've discussed it upset and pissed.  Regardless, it's a waste of time that always ends in a blowup and tears on her end.  We did just have one amazing session of sex, I'm not going to start a fight to make a point.

Again, I'll pass.

"No, I'm ok" is the right answer.

I love this girl dearly.  I really can't think of life without her.  She is my best friend, my right hand, and I love her in so many ways.  But in sex, it works sometimes, and it's completely off others.  

Tonight it was on, and then off.

After a bit she got up and went to take a shower, I knew she was frustrated.  I don't want her to be, but really, I'm not sure what my options are anymore.  I'm not trying to fuck with her head, but I don't want to fight.  Any discussion I would have brought up would have ended up with her saying something along the lines of "you'll never be satisfied".

But I am satisfied, I just want her to be present.  I want things to naturally evolve.   I'm tired of sex where I feel the other person is doing sudoku in her head.  I want to look into her eyes, I want to share in passionate kisses, I want to feel like she cares about pleasuring me on some level.

And late at night, by myself, I wonder if it is all me.  Am I that hard to please?  Maybe.  I just am too tired of the mixed signals that seem to change the minute I think I have them figured out.

She's a rubix cube.  I move two colors to complete a side, thinking I'm figured it out, only turning it over to reveal the entire cube is a kaleidoscope of patterns everywhere else.

The only thing I could do was ask her to sit next to me on the couch as I put on a movie, put a pillow in my lap which she snuggled into, and lovingly stroked her hair as she drifted off to sleep.

Kiss Me

I've reached the point with Ashley Madison where I've realized many of the women I've been in contact with have been a slight bit on the crazy side.  I've shared this with my friend Kat (over at PWK), and how the whole process just seems to have worn me down.  I consider myself a fairly balanced, happy person, who just tries to roll with this whole thing.  If things feel right, or if I'm clicking with someone via email or chat that's a good sign.  What I didn't expect was the immediate impatience of some of the women I've encountered.  They seem to really like me, but I swear it's barely 2 days before they're demanding to meet and fuck.

I've clearly outlined my profile to read:  "I'm open to new experiences in general. I'm looking to get to know someone before jumping in the sack, connecting is just as important as the sex to me... and of course, truly connecting = amazing sex. :) "

For some "connecting" is a couple emails and they're ready to go 48 hours later.  Maybe I'm in the wrong here, but it just feels rushed and weird.  I never thought I'd be in the position of turning women down, but when you start to send me nasty/rude messages (which I've received)... it just kills any future opportunities for me.  I understand you may be unhappy in your marriage, but please don't be rude to me... especially if you still want me to sleep with you.   I know this may seem strange, but it's a turnoff.  :)

On another note...

I continue to go back and forth in my mind if this is something I want to do.   It is - but I'm unsure of exactly how I'd like it all to play out.

Last night I was alone in a bar with friends, and was hanging out with a number of women.  I always do very well with the ladies, since I'm in the mindset that I'm taken...I'm always very comfortable and confident in my conversation.  Many were very flirtacious, touching, laughing, with lots of eye contact.  I had a good time, but it also revived this feeling to hookup with someone.

One of the women I haven't seen in years.  I know she has always liked me, but she is essentially off limits since she's withing our social circles.  Our conversation was fun and light, and I watched her beautiful lips moving about.  I wanted to lunge forward and start making out with her.   It felt like I was in still in high school and on a date talking late into the night in a car right before I made the move.  I could feel my hormones buzzing about within, it was a nice feeling.

As the evening progress I started talking to my friend's girlfriend.  I too had not see her for years, and she's a firecracker of a personality.  She was laying on the flirt heavily, touching, even holding my hands when talking.  Again, I watched her lips.  I wanted no more than to take her in the booth.  Throw her down, deeply kiss, and run my hands up her skirt.  I would have had no problem taking her home for a night of hot sex, if her boyfriend wasn't a dear friend of mine.

Dear friend or not, I'm sure my dick would look wonderful in her tight pussy.   ;)

It was obvious, this feeling to have an affair that's subsided for the past 2 weeks or so is still very much active within me.

I think more than anything I'm just looking for a good make out session to start things out.  In my relationship kissing has really gone south.  I love to kiss.  I used to be told by almost every girl I was with that I was a great kisser.  Now I'm in a relationship where kissing has been so diminished that I'm not sure I even remember how to - really well that is.  I really do have serious doubts about my skills.  I hate to admit it, but I think my relationship has given me a kissing complex.

The me of 8 years ago would never put up with this, but here I am.

My companion makes out with me briefly from time to time during sex, but this is very sporadic.  I would say it happens 15% of the time.  We never just make out anymore outside of sex.  I think this is a casualty of most long term relationships, but I'd have no problem making out with my girl if she were up for it.

Of course we've discussed this.  Many times.  So what does one do?

As with all things in life I guess I'll have to just hang in there and see how this all pans out.