Sophia from Craigslist

I met Sophia on Craigslist.

It was late one night in December that I decided to put up a post in the No Strings Attached portion of Craigslist searching under the heading "Looking for an Affair?  Me Too!".   

I wasn't expecting much - in fact - I was used to receiving endless amounts of spam.  You see ladies, I'm not sure it's the same for you, but when a man posts to the NSA portion of CL, 99% of the time we receive loads of spam luring us into paid video sex chats.  There are real people writing at times, others are just robot crawlers responding "I'm free, let's have sex tonight!  Are you up for it?"  A quick email back, and you'll soon be told how the girl is looking to chat only through a paid site.  

Obviously though, this scam works for somebody out there.  Otherwise they wouldn't waste their time responding to horny guys such as myself.  

So a few days passed, and the inbox filled with spam... and then Sophia wrote me.  

Sophia was in her early 30's and was interested in knowing more about me, and my situation, and what I was looking for.  Now you see, I'm not one to just jump right into bed with someone I don't know.  It's more about connection for me than the simple act.   I have the need deep within to get to know them, and then see where things go.  It is my belief if the universe wills it, things will naturally play out.

Connection = great sex.

Sophia explained to me she was in a unique situation... her husband would know about her affair. 

I personally didn't have an issue with this, but wanted to know more about the setup.  Would he be reading every email?  Outside our initial meeting at Starbucks?  Did he want to watch us?  Would he read the paper while we fucked on the pool table?

This unique situation required that I needed to find out more about Sophia, as well as her husband.  

Many would question this logic, but for me it was simple.  I needed to know if he was sane, and if this is what he really wanted.  I'm not much for finding myself in a physical alteration or in a shallow grave over some chick I met off Craigslist.  I don't care how good the orgasm might be.

Official emails soon became hidden gmail chats.  Sophia was looking for an escape, and she enjoyed playing around with the rules her husband had set up.  Of course, I was totally into this.  Discussing whether or not anal sex was her forte was something we didn't need a committee for.  

Sophia was a young mother of two, and although her husband was fairly good in bed, and wanted to have sex... she was over him.  She explained that this was the 3rd time she has sought sex outside of the marriage, and he had was along for the ride on the other 3 times as an outside observer. 

The last guy though was in his late 20's, and Sophia hung out with him for than for just casual sexual escapades.  I guess hubby found out that Sophia was being secretive and didn't take it too well - they had rules after all - and he didn't so much care for the idea of her having a boyfriend.  Thoughts of divorce hung heavily on both of their minds, and I guess fights were regular in the household.

She broke off contact with the 20 something, and decided almost a year to the date later to explore Craigslist for some fun, all with hubby's consent of course.  That's how she had found me.

Chat's soon became Google phone conversations between the both of us, her husband worked at nights and I was able to talk to her from my guest house office.  Conversations often revolved around things other than sex, and I began to realize that Sophia was looking for a friend.  Maybe I was too.  We both loved our spouses, but we still sought to sleep with others.  I gave her the nickname of being an "old pro" at this by now, as I was just a "rookie" in the minors.  She liked the idea of teaching me, but when she asked me to call the her house phone one night, I realized she may not know everything about being discreet. 

Pictures were exchanged and she was smoking hot.  Mommy spent every day going to the gym and was an avid runner... and it showed, she had a tight body, cute blond hair, and beautiful piercing green eyes.  Overall she was a nice, strong willed, and her life was be planned to the T.  I felt pretty lucky, since I know this was the type of woman one rarely finds on down and dirty Craigslist.  

Our Starbucks meeting took weeks to finally accomplish, and by this time we were semi friends. Unfortunately, she had just come down with the flu two days previous but still wanted to meet.  I agreed, but when I arrived I found she had seated herself in the corner - and coupled with the sickness - this might make flirtation extremely difficult. 

And it was.  

Now I'm not saying I wasn't nervous, because I was.  This is all new for me, but I'm a people person and am more outgoing than your average guy, so I still was able to hold my own and generate plenty of conversation.  

I stopped her at one moment saying "before we go any further, I have to tell you something..."  

"What's that" she replied hesitantly.  

"The name I've given you, is a nickname friends call me by.  I figured now was as good as any to tell you my real name." 

And I did just that.

I could tell immediately that this threw her off. 

I explained that I was sorry it took this long to tell her, that I'm just being overly protective of my situation, but finally decided she should know since I trusted her.

"What's your last name?" she fired back.  

"I don't know if I'm comfortable telling you that, if I do, you'll find out everything about me." 

"What do you mean?" she demanded.  

This was not going well at all.  Thoughts were racing through my head.  I couldn't tell if she was pissed or just being direct.  Actually, it was a cocktail of both.  

I explained... "I pretty well known within my circles, and online, my whole life is just sitting there out in the open (which it is).  There's interviews with me, pictures, and I'm just looking out for my loved one."  

"What's your last name?" she said again.  

I felt stupid for keeping this a secret, and realized I should have told her earlier.   I didn't give her an entirely fake first name, it was just one that my friends call me by.  Still, she wasn't amused.

Coffee was turning into a slow motion car wreck.

I had promised myself not to share my last name.  I understand that in this realm of affairs, it may be normal to share one's whole identity... but I have far more online than just a simple Facebook page.  Additionally, everything about my spouse was on there as well.  

So much for being discreet in the digital age.  

Meanwhile, Sophia Johnson had name so familiar that a Google search spawned hundreds of thousands of hits.  None of which were her (I looked).  So for all I know, her identity was totally falsified as well.

Her eyes demanded I answer - she broke me - and I answered. 

"My name is _______ Dryden"

She said "how do I know, you could be making that up too."

Wow, playing hard to get.

I pulled out my iPhone, typed in my name, and did a Google image search.

"Here," I said "Does this look like I'm lying? It's all there, you can know everything about me now.  Just Google me when you get home, you'll know more than most people do in these situations."  

She still didn't seem satisfied.  I was really trying here, but she was really giving it to me hard.  I felt like I was in high school again trying to convince the hot girl to go out with me.  

We continued to talk about other things, but the damage had been done.  I felt humiliated for telling her my real name, I should have just kept fucking quiet.  What did it matter anyway.  It still technically was a name people called me by.  She didn't have every aspect of her life online, didn't she get this?

Things came to a close rather fast.  After the hour mark came, she snapped "I have to go soon, I have kids to watch... go feed my meter if you want to talk more."

Alrighty... I may be Mr. Nice Guy, but this comment really irked me.  

Go feed my meter?   Fuck you.  No.

I didn't spend 8 years in Los Angeles dealing with women who acted just like this without learning something.  I know this game and I don't play it.  Respect me as a human being and you will get my loving attention in return.  

But I didn't say "Fuck You," that's just not the person I am.  

So I replied gently,"if you'd like me to, I will." After all I figured, the girl had the flu, and for all I knew she really just wasn't feeling well (although she told me she was feeling just fine today).  I'll take one for team, and because of the first name fiasco, I'll happily go fill your meter.  

I think she realized she must have crossed the line on the comment, because she said "no, that's ok, I'll go do it.  You'll probably check out my ass when I go to anyway."

Now we're talking about your ass?  Ok.  I will.  Thanks for reminding me.  

I did just that as she walked out with quarters in hand, and it was beautiful: a perfect yoga ass.

She returned, and we continued 15 minutes or more of small chat.  I found her staring off at times, she just wasn't there.  I asked if she was feeling ok, and she said "yes, why do you ask."

"You're kinda just staring off there a bit, I upset you didn't I?"  

"Oh no" not willing to give me anything, "I'm sorry, you have my full attention."

She stared directly at me, but conversation was minimal on her part.  Her eyes willed me to keep this coffee date going, seeing how long I could keep it up.

I personally was now ready to go by now.  This was too much fucking work.  How could I connect with someone so much over 4 weeks, and have everything just fall apart like this?

Soon I was walking her out to her car, giving her a hug (no kisses here in flu territory), and bidding her adou.  We left each other agreeing to chat the next evening.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day came around, and I received an email explaining that though things went very well (hmmmm really?),  she was having second thoughts.  Her email read that her marriage was happy at the moment, and meeting up made things that much more real, and she wasn't sure she wanted to mess things up.  Additionally, she explained that my girl sounded like a nice person, and she didn't want to get in-between that.

So that was that.  She apologised for wasting my time, and that it "was her, not me".

I wrote her back and said (in all honesty) that I understood, and that I was by no means upset with her.  After all, it's her life and her decisions, and she needs to feel comfortable with any actions she chooses to make. 

I thought that was the last I'd hear from her, but Sophia popped up on chat the following evening.

The overall conversation was brief, reiterating the email points we both had made.  I said "well, if you want to keep in touch, please do.  I'll be around.  I'm not expecting sex at this point, and we could just chat occasionally if you want."

"I don't think there's really a need for that do you?"  she typed.

Okay.  I'm done.  That was it.  Later baby, it's been nice while it lasted.  

Maybe this girl (that still lives in the same town she grew up in) doesn't quite realize that some men out there are cultured, have experience, and know her pretty girl game.  This wasn't about the sex.  This was about attention.  I knew it early on, but who was I to turn down a smokingly hot affair partner.  Sure, I'll give you lovin' when you need it, just please (I beg you), don't play mind games. 

This was just a game at this point.  It's ok, I know your next move, but here's mine...

"Ok, well it was a pleasure getting to know you.  I've really enjoyed talking to you over the past couple of weeks, and I wish you the best.  I really do mean this.  :)  Take care of yourself and your little ones."

And I did.  I meant every single word.  But I knew this wasn't the last I'd hear of Sophia.

"Ok, take care," she wrote back.

"Bye!  :) " I replied signing off.  

Now I knew that despite everything she said about cutting off contact that she would be back.  This was all about attention after all, and four nights later guess who sent me an instant message.

Sophia.  

Shocking huh?  I knew you'd be as surprised as I was.  

I share everything with her during our brief chats, no secrets anymore.

"I have nothing to hide, I'm not going to have sex with you after all.  I think we've established this."  I'd write.

"Well we haven't quite decided that just yet...  ;)"

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Check and mate.

And although she still keeps in touch, I'm not sure this game is worth it.  Actually, it's not at all fun... and I think that's a clear enough reason to not sleep with Sophia.  In spite of her amazing yoga ass.

- Mr. Dryden

Being Mindfully Sexual: Beginnings

My name is Mr. Dryden and I live in California.

I have been in a relationship for many years (let's say over 9ish) and I have finally come to the realization that I am a sexual exploratory person, and my partner is not.

Through much contemplation, meditation, and self examination I have decided to embark on a journey into the unknown world of seeking pleasure outside of my relationship.

I love my spouse very much, she means the world to me.  I have tried to bring create a healthy atmosphere for the evolution of our lovemaking, but unfortunately my partner isn't as interested.  We do have sex.  Plenty of run of the mill, boring, everyday sex.  Sometimes it's great, other times she's doing it just for me, but something is just missing. I want more exploration.

I have discussed this with her for years (yes, as every sex psychologist out there tells us to do) and for some reason things just don't click with her.  It's just not the person she is, and I've decided it's unfair for me try to make her someone she is not.  I no longer blame her, or hold resentful feelings in the bedroom, for I know this will only further deteriorate our relationship.   I take full responsibilty for the joy I seek, and the expansion of my sexual self.

I do love her, and would do anything for her.  She's my best friend.

And this is where I find myself, currently seeking the most looked down upon of actions within our society.  Infidelity.

My goal in writing this blog is to inform, and exploit my adventures and thoughts into this vast unknown.  Maybe you'll relate, and maybe you won't.  This in the end is for me, and for some reason writing it all down makes me understand myself better.

I also think we as society need to look at the pressures we put on sexual selves.  We try to conform, and miss out on so much life has to offer.  There is a revolution at hand in the world of relationships, marriage, and sex.  We can continue to ignore the fact that over half of people in monogamous relationships cheat - or - we can examine why this is, and perhaps look at it from another perspective.

It we were more open about this side of our humanity, many less tears would be shed, and more importantly we'd all have a lot more fun.

Monogamy isn't a bad idea.  It works for some, it doesn't for others.  But that split is generally around 50%.  Nature engineered us to explore our sexual selves.  Religion and culture have slowly trained this out of us.  It's time to open up.  Feel the joy, and experience fresh air.

One thing I've learned about life is that it always works out.  Always.  And this universe is a positive, loving place. 

So let's explore it - and each other - together.

Respectfully Yours,
- Mr. Dryden